


Five Times Gob Bluth Almost Came Out, And The One Time He Really Did

by Queen_Andr0meda



Category: Arrested Development
Genre: Bisexual Magicians in Love, Family Drama, Fluff, Gob Finally tells off Nichael, Gob being really stupid, Gob is Happy, Homophobia, Incredibly Well Coordinated Britney Spears Karaoke, Jealousy, LGBT Solidarity, M/M, No actual smut don't get your hopes up, Secret Relationship, copious callbacks, intense second-hand embarassment, magic show, premature confessions of love, uncomfortable limousine make-outs, upstaging republicans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-01 07:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14515503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen_Andr0meda/pseuds/Queen_Andr0meda
Summary: Gob's been seeing Tony for 2 weeks.1 month.3 months.6 months.8 months.And it's getting harder to keep the relationship a secret.





	1. Now You See Him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Cinco de Cuatro! (I really meant to finish this before the recut dropped whoops)

_ “Now everybody’s gay!” _

As a cloud of rainbow confetti slowly drifted down from where the canons had shot it, Gob Bluth was absolutely awestruck, which was how he usually got whenever he saw Tony do magic. This was his first time coming to one of Tony’s shows since Cinco two weeks previously. But that's what boyfriends do, right? Support each other's stuff? It felt weird using the word boyfriend without feeling the immediate need to correct it. Though, Tony probably wouldn't use that word; but, he was a week behind on the relationship. A more appropriate term would probably be friends with benefits, but the correct term didn't matter if he was only using it in his mind. 

Regardless, he was pretty sure things were going well, especially since he was (almost) certain Tony had stopped taking forget-me-nows after every time they had sex, which was happening more and more frequently. It was embarrassing, every time he sees Tony his heart starts aching and his stomach starts fluttering. He thought he might be dying, though a doctor said otherwise - but the jury’s still out on science. Of course, he'd never tell Tony any of this. It was pathetic; like he was a little girl with a little dress and little pigtails. That feeling was love, but Gob had never experienced it before. He wished he could erase that feeling but even if he had some pills left, it was far too late to forget. 

Tony brought the crowd to its feet, and it wasn't even gay night this time. He couldn't help smiling, but amidst the cheering ‘how-dey-do-dats’, Gob felt a twinge of envy that no one had ever been this impressed with his magic - aside from his son, or that audience who thought getting his fingers sliced off was part of his act. Those didn't really count though. 

Tony didn't know he was here, and he had chosen a seat near the back to surprise him later. After a quick survey of the crowd, he clocked about four people acquainted with his family, who could potentially bring him to ruin should they discover his relationship to the ‘Gay Magician.’ He'd have to be careful, the last thing he needed was a scandal.

Later, after the show, Gob was waiting at the bar, hoping that Tony might show up there. He sipped his drink and nervously tore pieces off his napkin, the latter action was being observed by the bartender with an unimpressed glare. A sudden wave of applause broke out from behind Gob, which could only mean that Tony had made an appearance.  He lowered his head and watched Tony approach the bar out of his periphery.

Tony was being nearly swarmed by fans, mostly young gays and wannabe magicians, each one thrusting items into Tony’s hands to autograph and pulling him into photos. Gob observed several men amicably grabbing Tony’s arm and laughing almost  _ too _ loudly at something he said. Seeing this set off a strange pain in Gob’s chest and his throat started to constrict. His fists clenched as Tony stopped to talk with some of them, even going so far as to return their touches.

Gob was livid and he couldn’t exactly tell why. It was like how he felt when he thought Marta was cheating on him with ‘hermano’, but this time it was much worse. He shouldn’t be this jealous, it wasn’t like he and Tony were a thing, despite their frequent rendezvous. Besides, just talking to other guys shouldn’t affect him like this since Tony wasn’t even gay. Or was he? How many times does a man have to sleep with another man before he stops being straight? Nevertheless, seeing his ‘boyfriend’ flirt so blatantly with other men, whether intentional or not, upset Gob. He wanted to make a scene. To walk over there and kiss Tony, to show all the others that he belonged to him. But it was too public, and also completely irrational. Not that being rational was ever something Gob was good at.

By that point, Tony had pushed past his fans and stood at the bar right next to Gob, who quickly turned his head away as Tony ordered a drink. Yet, he couldn’t resist saying something. 

“Great show out there tonight.” Gob said, unconvincingly. Though Tony didn’t seem to pick up on the tension in his voice.

“Hey, thanks man.” Tony replied, not even bothering to look at who was speaking. After a moment passed, Tony must have registered the familiar, deep voice because he whipped around suddenly -- and excitedly. “Gob? What the hell are you doing here?”

The man in question found it difficult to restrain himself under Tony’s smile, but he hardened himself and answered, “I came to see you.”

Tony’s smile fell as quickly as it had appeared when he noticed something off about Gob. “What’s wrong? Are you mad at me?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Gob dumped the money for his tab onto the counter, leaving his half finished sparkling water behind as he headed for the exit - it was shitty anyways.

Tony was hot on his heels, “Gob, wait up. Talk to me!”

He really didn’t feel like getting into this argument so publicly, so he stormed back to his limo in silence, Tony still calling after him. Not having the foresight to lock the doors after himself, Gob was forced to deal with Tony, who had climbed in through the passenger side. Gob leaned his head against the back of his seat, eyes closed tight in frustration. 

“What’s your problem, Gobie?” 

He thought for a minute, trying to find an appropriate reply. Finally turning his head to look at Tony. “Why were you flirting with them?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Your fans, all those young gay guys. You were laughing with them, and touching them, and flirting with them, Tony. I saw you.”

“That’s ridiculous, Gob. They admire me, so I was being polite. You would understand that if you had any fans.” This was an extremely low blow, and Tony knew that, but he had said it anyways. “I’m so sorry, that was completely uncalled for.” 

He stared at Gob, hoping for a sign that they were all good, but Gob just stared out the windshield, his look slightly more devastated.

“I wouldn’t have been flirting with them anyways,” Tony continued, trying desperately to un-burn this bridge, “I’m not actually gay, remember? I don’t like guys.”

That answer was almost worse, and it made Gob cringe. His mind was whirring at intense speeds and he was trying not to let his emotions manifest into full-fledged tears or worse, a incredibly premature confession.

Tony placed a hand on Gob’s thigh, pleading, “say something, Gob,” no reply. “Are you okay?” No reply. “Why are you so worked up about this? We're just having fun, aren’t we?”

“Tony, I'm in love with you.” 

Gob was mentally kicking himself for going with the latter option, with every second that Tony stayed silent his heart pounded louder and louder. But then, Tony’s mouth was on his and Tony’s hand was cupping Gob’s cheek. Gob returned the kiss, sliding his hand down to Tony’s waist. 

The kissed deepened, Tony sliding his tongue along Gob’s lip, Gob opened his mouth to allow better access as he pulled their bodies closer together. He was acutely aware of how soft Tony’s lips were, yet his goatee was an ever-present reminder of the man attached to those lips. The gear shift was positioned awkwardly between them, but they didn't really care if it dug into their stomachs. 

One of Tony’s hands made its way down to Gob’s crotch and Gob pulled away, heart pounding and out of breath. “What is this, Tony?” He asked after what felt like ages. “You can't say you're not gay and then pull something like that.”

“Why not? We've been doing that for the last two weeks.” Tony leaned in again to kiss Gob’s neck.

Gob gasped at the sudden stimulation, but quickly pushed Tony away. “Maybe that's not enough for me anymore.” 

They sat there in the silence for a long time before Tony finally replied, “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah,” Tony elaborated, “if you were implying that you wanted to take the next step. I don't know, start dating, I guess? Then, okay, I agree.”

“Same!” Gob grinned. 

“Same,” Tony smiled back. “Should I…” He trailed off, vaguely gesturing towards Gob’s neck.

Gob just replied with a frantic nod, and Tony returned to sucking his neck. Gob barely cared about the proof of this exchange that was surely forming on his skin at that moment. The gear shift was getting to be extremely annoying though, so he used one hand to press the partition button, which rolled down with an ambient buzz that reminded Gob of his bees. Tony pulled away to look at what was making the noise, and Gob took that opportunity to nod his head towards the opening. Tony got the message and climbed through the hole, falling ungracefully onto the floor of the limo, but at least Gob’s view was nice for a moment before he followed suit with a similar entrance.

They quickly returned to each other's mouths, but this time with their full range of motion restored. Gob was straddling Tony’s lap and was hunched over awkwardly, being over half a foot taller. But, with Tony’s hands traveling up and down his back, he couldn't seem to care.

Tony grabbed the lapel of Gob’s suit jacket and pulled it back, throwing it across the limo when he finally got it off. He broke apart their kiss momentarily to mention, “the suit looks nice on you, by the way.”

Gob felt warm inside, and his whole body was tingling like electricity was jolting through his limbs. Despite this, he held Tony back from leaning in and he said something he hadn't expected to say again, “do you mind if we slow down? Just sit and talk?”

“You know what? I'd like that a lot.”

So they just sat there and talked, bodies still more or less intertwined. Gob’s legs were draped across Tony’s knees and Tony's arm was around Gob’s shoulder. They stayed there whispering and laughing and sharing crazy stories for a long time. They were at last disturbed by horns honking - Gob had almost forgotten that he was parked on a major road. He pressed his lips against Tony’s lips one last time, before squeezing himself back through the partition. There was a ticket on his window, but he decided he could probably ignore it. He shifted the car into drive and pulled away from the club. Glancing in his mirror, he could see Tony in the back composing himself and moving up to a seat closer to the front. 

“Do you need me to drop you off anywhere?” Gob asked. 

“My place is fine,” Tony responded, leaning his arms on the open partition. “Or,” he continued, coyly, “we could go to yours, if you'd rather.” 

Gob was beaming. “You got it, babe.” 


	2. Under Par

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Homophobia Warning*

Gob Bluth stood in front of the mirror tucking the light purple polo into his golf shorts. It wasn’t a good look for him. His legs were too long and thin for the baggy shorts to be even remotely flattering on him. Nevertheless, Tony let out a low whistle from the bed, taking full advantage of the choice view of Gob’s ass.

Gob turned to look at his boyfriend, still tangled up in his bedsheets with a stupid expression on his face. It wasn’t an emotion Gob was experienced in identifying on others. Had his upbringing been slightly different, he might’ve recognized it as pride. The closest feeling he could pinpoint was lust, but that didn’t exactly make sense either. “Don’t tell me this get-up is doing it for you,” he said sarcastically.

Tony chuckled, “mmm, not really. I think you look like a yuppie asshole.” He sat up and gradually maneuvered himself to the end of the bed, taking Gob’s hands in his. “But, then again, that hasn’t stopped me from going down on you before.” Tony winked, causing Gob to blush and let out an uncomfortable, breathy laugh.

“God, I- I do not get our lifestyle.” Gob glanced around, trying not to meet Tony’s gaze, his left hand reaching up to tug at his own collar.

It was strange what Tony could do to him. The powerful, and suddenly capable, president of the Bluth Company was able to be reduced to mush in a matter of seconds with just one word from the shorter magician. That was it! It must be magic that was putting him in this state. That involved much less internal examination than the alternative. Gob could almost feel imaginary cameras beginning to close in on his face as melancholic music played in the background.

“You’re nervous.” Tony observed, breaking the silence. But Gob’s mind was still elsewhere. He squeezed the hand that was still clasped in his, which seemed to bring the eldest Bluth boy blinking back to this plane of reality. “Hey,” Tony’s voice was gentle, “you’re okay. What’s eating you, Gobie?”

Gob turned back to the mirror to continue fussing with his outfit. “I’m under a lot of pressure, Tony! This’ll be my first game of business golf since I became president of the Bluth Company and I don’t want to embarass myself. After all, golf games are where 97% of all business deals are made.”

“Yeah, that can’t be true.” Tony stood and put his arms around Gob’s waist, attempting to kiss his neck before realizing he was only tall enough to reach Gob’s upper back. “And,” Tony continued, poking his head to the side so he could be seen by Gob in the mirror, “if you’re worried about making a bad impression, you shouldn’t be. The Bluth Company is thriving again, thanks to you.”

Gob nodded, mostly to reassure himself. Against all odds he had returned his father’s company to its former glory, without all the treason and embezzlement. No one knew how he had done it, least of all his parents. Gob liked to think it was because of Tony’s support and reassurance. Tony, always one to toot his own horn, thought so as well.

“Besides,” Tony added, “I thought you were friends with all those guys at the club.”

This was also true. With his father’s colleagues all in retirement, their companies had been taken over by the very men that Gob would hang out with as a teenager while their fathers would have a game of respectable business golf. Gob was sure it wasn’t actually referred to as ‘business golf’, but he really didn’t care enough to find out for sure.

He quickly kissed Tony, accompanied by a quiet “Love you,” before heading out.

Tony smacked Gob’s ass as he left, and called after him, “Give ‘em hell, babe! Show them who’s boss!”

Gob repeated that last part under his breath for most of the car ride to the Newport Country Club. His nerves refused to subside; even listening to his ‘Franklin Comes Alive’ CD didn’t calm him down.

He reached the country club and waited in the lobby for his former buddies, awkwardly wringing his hands and glancing around. God, he wished Tony were there, it would make things at least bearable. But, that wasn’t possible; him and Tony still weren’t official, so that meant that Gob was stuck there alone.

He tried remembering his teenage years, but that was easier said than done with so many holes in his memory. His years of roofie circles had started chipping away at his long-term memory. He remembered getting into trouble a lot, no specific escapades came to mind, but he was certain they were epic. He fortunately still remembered the other boys he spent his days with. Their group was always referred to as ‘the five seconds’, since all of them were named after their fathers. Gob had always been their ringleader, the center of their entourage; of course, each of them thought they were the center, as is to be expected from a group of privileged young men who had the world handed to them.

“Is that Gob Bluth?” The man in question barely noticed the unknown voice calling him, but he looked up to see Robert Hearst II, CEO of the Hearst Insurance Company and major shareholder in the Newport Country Club, jogging over to him.

“Bobby!” Gob responded, about to go for a hug before the other man held out his hand. So Gob shook it instead.

Bobby slapped Gob’s shoulder and laughed in a way that seemed insincere. “Geez, It has been a long time, Gob. But, I’m glad to hear your family is on the up and up.”

“Yeah… I mean, my youngest brother is in prison, but -”

“- But that’s not your problem.”

Jesus, Gob had forgotten what assholes these guys were. Bobby nudged him again and pointed towards the door. “Look,” he continued, “it’s the others.”

The two men were subsequently joined by Alan Crane II, President of Crane Shipping and part-time father of two; Billy Williamson II, Owner of William Williamson’s Forestry and Logging, with several ties to major oil companies; and James Trevor Flood II, Head of a machinery manufacturing firm that runs ‘ethically’ from the cheapest parts of eastern asia.

Each of these men had become corrupt copies of their corrupt fathers, which wasn’t normally something that would bother Gob. He was no saint, and was known for taking the easiest -- and, as was often the case, most shady -- way out of his many messes. But, he hoped his new attitude would break his reliance on his old behaviours. Gob was maturing. He no longer felt the need to forget, for once he wanted to remember. He didn’t want to be an irresponsible punching bag anymore; now that he has the chance, he has to prove his family wrong. He recalled what his father said the other day, after telling him about this game, “don’t fuck it up.” Gob didn’t intend to. Then maybe they’d finally feel proud of him.

If he became that person, a son to be proud of, maybe they wouldn’t hate him when they eventually found out about Tony.

Gob was barely paying attention, responding when spoken to but mostly staying silent as the other men shared inside jokes that he wasn’t privy to. They had all taken over their fathers’ companies years before, but it was always Michael who was set to become president of the Bluth company. Gob felt inferior, which made him uncomfortable.

On the course, Gob was doing an abysmal job golfing, but he supposed the meeting itself was going well. He took a weak shot at driving his ball, and pretended that it went nearly as far as his companions balls.

“You know, Gob. We were all surprised to hear you had actually taken control of the Bluth Company,” James said, causing Gob to turn and face them, “But I must say I’m relieved. Your brother was always such a blowhard, so straightlaced, only making deals over the phone instead of here, like a real businessman.”

This lightended Gob’s anxious mood a little. He always enjoyed a good dig at Michael. “Yeah, well, I guess he couldn’t handle it.”

“And I hear you’ve straightened the company as well, got your family back in the black.” Billy spoke this time, “How’d you manage that? Who are you bribing?”

“Oh, I - Um, I guess it’s because We’ve been hiring better crews, going legitimate?” Gob didn’t mean to phrase like that, but he was uncomfortable with the question. “And, uh... oh! We’ve also been more responsible with spending.”

Bobby laughed, “the Bluths? Responsible with money? That’s a good one Gob, you were always good for a laugh. Well, however you did it, congratulations. No one thought you could manage.”  

Gob thought about getting offended by this, but decided it wasn’t worth the trouble it could cause for the company. He climbed into the cart with Al Crane, and they drove up to where their balls had landed. Al nudged Gob with his elbow, as they pulled up to his.

“Hey, look,” He pointed to a pond, with a small gazebo next to it. “Remember how many chicks you banged over there.”

“Oh… uh, yeah.” Gob tried to laugh it off, but this conversation made him especially uncomfortable.

“Aw man!” Billy interjected, good naturedly, “You were such a stud in high school. You probably got more than all of us combined.”

“I was kind of a slut back then.”

“More like a hero.” Bobby added, “so, is the playboy lifestyle still treating you well? Must be nice not having to be weighed down by a wife.”

Gob thought back to his bed at home. He thought of Tony, naked and sweating in Gob’s arms. Then he thought of Tony lying in bed doing a crossword puzzle, only looking away to check the answers on his phone and to kiss Gob’s cheek when he brings in the coffee. He thought of coming home from work and helping Tony prepare a new illusion. He hadn’t even thought about being with anyone else in a long time; it was a weird feeling, but Tony made him happy.

“Actually, I’m taking a break from that life.” Gob admitted, causing the other men to stop short.

“I can't believe what I'm hearing!” Bobby feigned outrage, “Have you gone soft? Women used to basically throw themselves at you, why would you ever give that up?”

“It was taking a lot out of me, I guess.” This was true, but it wasn't the reason. “Almost dying of syphilis kinda took the magic out of it.”

This was enough to shut them up; at least for a while. The conversation turned back to business and the game proceeded without a hitch. That is, until they were nearing the end of the eighteenth hole. Gob was exhausted and sick to death of golfing, especially since his score was going from bad to much worse every moment he spent swinging his arms in the hot sun.

Chanting could be heard from over the crest of the final hill, and music. Loud music that Gob had heard dozens of times at Tony's shows, and likely many other places as well.

“What the hell is that, Bobby?” James asked.

Bobby groaned as they reached the end of the course and the crowd was in sight, “just those obnoxious protesters.” Gob froze. “Apparently our no-gays-allowed rule is ‘discrimination’.” Bobby said that last part in air quotes.

Gob felt bile rising in his throat, it took every bit of his will power not to punch Bobby in the face right then and there. He swallowed his rage and collected himself enough to ask, “the club doesn't allow gay people?”

“Well, duh,” Bobby stated as if Gob should have known that, which he should have after the afternoon he’d had, “and it's not homophobic, just business. Patrons here don't want guys fucking each other on the course, that's really indecent. We don't want them shoving that down our throats”

“I don't think they'd want to shove anything down your throat.” The sentence was out before Gob could suppress it, but luckily it garnered a few chuckles from the guys. “What I mean to say is,” Gob said in a desperate attempt to cover, “if they have the means to pay for membership, then who cares.”

As they passed the protesters, Gob kept his head down, in case any of the Hot Cops happened to be among them. When he looked up again, Bobby was standing right in front of him, eyebrow raised. Gob jumped back, startled.

“You know, I wouldn't have expected you to stand up for them.” The suspicion was dripping off of Bobby’s every word.

Gob was ready to reply with a ‘well guess what?’ or something equally pithy, but his mother’s words rang through his head _“keep your nose clean, no scandals”_ and he shut his mouth. “I’m just playing the devil’s advocate, Bobby. You can calm down.”

Bobby continued to eye him, sneering slightly. It was extremely off-putting, so Gob was glad he didn’t have to stick around much longer.

Final agreements were sealed with firm handshakes and the men parted ways, much to Gob’s relief.

When he arrived back home, Tony wasn't there. Gob stepped into the shower to scrub the sweat off his skin. He couldn't get his mind off the events of the day. If Bobby had figured out his secret he was screwed. The Hearsts were a powerful family that had the means to destroy the Bluth Company. All thanks to his big mouth. After what felt like forever, but was closer to 40 minutes, Gob decided he was clean enough and got out, slipping on his black mini-robe before exiting the en suite.

Tony was back and sitting cross-legged on their bed. He looked up when he heard the door open.

“Hey, Gobie,” he greeted, “how was your day?”

Gob merely responded by flopping face-down onto the bed beside Tony and groaning loudly.

“That bad, huh?” Tony began rubbing small circles onto Gob’s back, “Tell me what happened.”

Gob rolled over, after first trying to speak directly into the bedsheets, and told Tony about the protesters and his argument with Bobby. When his story was over, he looked at Tony expectantly.

“You covered your slip up well, I'm sure nothing bad will happen.” Tony wasn't sure, but Gob’s face was so damn sad, he had to reassure him. A wicked smile cracked on Tony’s lips as he trailed his hand down Gob’s chest to his belted waist. “You know, If you want, I can think of something we could do to get your mind off of it.”

Gob’s frown broke and he started laughing, which sort of bruised Tony’s pride, but Gob held Tony’s face and brought their mouths together. “I'm gonna have to take you up on that offer, although it's gonna take a lot to distract me.”

Now Tony was laughing too, but trying to mock offense, “are you implying I'm not up to the job?”

“Oh, I don't think I was implying anything, but I guess you'll have to prove me wrong.”

In a matter of seconds, Tony had pulled the tie, undoing the robe and discarding of it, and he had Gob pinned to the bed. He trailed kisses down Gob’s neck, chest, torso, and even lower. Gob inhaled sharply and threw his head back, back arching.

…

Gob sat bolt upright the next morning, startled awake by the baby-voiced warbling of Mark Cherry blaring from his cellphone. He reached for its place on his bedside table, not looking at who the caller was before declining the call and putting it on vibrate.

He looked over at Tony beside him, still fast asleep. Gob smiled, Tony had earned the rest; he had really put his money where his mouth was last night. In fact, Tony had put several things where his mouth was last night.

Gob’s phone rang again. He groaned and grabbed it off the table. Vibrate sounded almost as loud as the ringtone. He saw it was his mother calling him, so he answered it this time, though not before panicking a little. Tony had successfully got his mind off the golf game, but this call probably meant he was done for.

“Hello?” His voice cracked on the question, his voice hoarse from a combination of disuse and the previous evening’s activities.

_“It's your mother”_

She sounded pissed but what else was new. Gob tried to not sound worried. “Yeah, I know, what is it?”

_“It's  about yesterday.”_

Oh god, this was it. He could kiss his parents’ respect goodbye. “What about yesterday?” His voice was tense, his heart was in his throat, and he felt like he could cry just bracing himself for the worst.

 _“Apparently it was a huge success. I heard the boys enjoyed your company and the board is very happy with the deals you made. So, congratulations, you did something right for once.”_ She hung up.

This was a surprising development. Gob felt a warmth fill his heart. He had done it. He was making his family proud. So what if they didn’t say it outright? It was close enough for him.

Behind him, Tony stirred. “Who was that?” He rasped.

“My mother.”

Tony sat up, brow creasing with worry, “what did she say? Did she find out about… you know?”

“No,” a smile spread across Gob’s face like butter, “no, she said that I did a good job!”

“Really?”

Gob nodded, happy tears welling up in his eyes. He grabbed Tony’s hand, and the other man took it a step forward and kissed him, gently holding Gob’s cheek in his free hand.

When they separated, Tony rested his forehead against Gob’s, speaking softly, “I love you, Gobie.”


	3. Wrong Number

Gob didn’t want to get out of bed. Tony wasn’t gonna be next to him when he woke up so what was the point.

That sounded a lot worse than it was, but Gob always had a flair for being hyperbolic. Tony Wonder was away, his show had hit the road and he would be stopping by several destinations across the country over the next week, leaving his boyfriend back in Orange County to attend stupid business meetings. They weren’t even fun business meetings, like ones at the golf course, but stuffy suit meetings in a sweltering board room. Gob was bored as shit; he was apartment-sitting for Tony since he pretty much lived there anyways, and because the model home was a piece of shit, just like the rest of sudden valley. 

Gob had been lounging in Tony’s bed, barely awake, for the better part of an hour. He was groggy and had decided to lie there with his eyes closed, just a little bit hungover from trying Tony’s collection of stereotypical gay beverages -- which Tony kept around just in case a member of the press showed up for an interview about the gay magician lifestyle.

Speaking of, Gob’s fingers lightly brushed the open magazine splayed across his stomach. He had fallen asleep reading the most recent of these interviews, a magazine about out celebrities in which Tony Wonder dishes about the new man in his life. Gob’s identity was, of course, kept anonymous; things weren’t secure enough with the company to handle the type of scandal going public would cause. Although as his time with Tony went on, Gob understood less and less why exactly it would be scandalous. 

In the article, Tony had made a joke when talking about the new illusion he and Gob were working on, saying  _ the real magic was the spark between the two of them.  _ Reading it had made Gob very flustered, only partly due to the fact he was shit-faced at the time. It was a genuinely sweet article, Tony had gushed a bit more that the interviewer was likely hoping for. Gob just wished he had that sort of fan base so he could one up Tony with an even gushier magazine article. 

The only reason that Gob was still in bed was that he hoped Tony would call soon to partake in some hot, early morning phone-sex. It was a common pastime whenever one of them was away and it was the only thing Gob liked about their separation. But it was taking Tony a long time to call this time, and Gob was getting horny just thinking about it. But if Tony took much longer, Gob would have to just finish himself off, because he had to leave for work in another hour.

_ ‘Go away, Getaway. Stay away, Getaway--’ _

Almost the second his phone rang, Gob grabbed it from his side and answered it without opening his eyes. A huge mistake on his part.

He answered, in a gravelly voice “Took you long enough you sexy piece of--”

“ _ Gob? Is that you? _ ” It wasn’t Tony. Gob’s face went as white as a sheet.

“Mother!” He said, almost too loudly, “I, um, I- ” Gob started stuttering, trying to find a normal explanation for what he said. “That was, uhh, nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“ _ Well, whatever it was, I’m sure I don’t want to know, _ ” she sounded suspicious, “ _ but need I remind you that we don’t need anymore scandals. So if you were expecting-” _

“God, Mom, I know! You don’t have to remind me every time you talk to me.” It  _ was  _ getting frustrating. It seemed like whenever he was feeling good enough about him and Tony to maybe think about coming out, his mother was there on the phone reminding him that doing so would ruin his life. “Speaking of, why did you call anyway?”

“ _ I wanted to remind you how important this meeting is this afternoon. These are big shareholders and I need you to be on your best behavior. _ ”

“When have I not been on my best behavior?”

“ _ For almost the entirety of your 44 years of life. _ ”

He kind of walked into that. It stung, but it wasn’t like Gob hadn’t been hearing similar stuff for that same length of time. He didn’t want to dignify the comment with a response, but he wasn’t sure how else to get her off his back. “I promise I won’t embarrass you, Mom.”

“ _ You’d better not, _ ” she said simply, then she hung up.

Gob sat up in bed and rubbed his face, bringing some much needed relief to the tension in his forehead. He was relatively lucky that his past reputation was bad enough for his mother to avoid asking about something that he really didn’t have an acceptable excuse for. That call could have gone a lot worse. He could languish in the closet for another day. 

Since he was now whatever the exact opposite of horny is, and since he figured Tony wasn’t going to call at that point, Gob decided it was as good a time as any to get out of bed. He severely needed some coffee if he was going to make it through today’s meetings without blowing his brains out. After drinking it, his hangover improving significantly, he got in his car and left for the office.

… … 

Later that evening, he was back at Tony’s apartment, rifling through his kitchen cabinet looking for a bottle of alcohol that he hadn’t already drained over the last few days. His head was deep in a low cupboard when he heard his phone ringing from the counter. He grabbed it, making sure to check the caller i.d. before answering. It was Tony. 

Gob answered almost too eagerly, “hey, Tony!” His boyfriend hadn’t even responded yet, but Gob was already grinning ear to ear. He chose not to read too much into it.

“ _ Gobie, hey! Sorry I didn’t get a chance to call this morning, we were on the road pretty early.” _

He had almost forgotten about that morning, and suddenly his face was growing hot. An involuntary “oh, God.” escaped his lips.

“ _ What is it?”  _ Tony’s tone sounded concerned, which Gob was not used to hearing.

Gob recounted what had happened, trying to stay as brief as possible. He was just lucky his Mother didn’t bring it up at work, he didn’t think he would have been able to handle that. Tony started laughing, and Gob couldn’t help but be just a little indignant.

“What’s so funny?” He was getting really defensive, and really embarrassed. 

“ _ I’m sorry,” _ Tony said through the laughter, “ _ it’s awful, but I just can’t believe you said that to your mom.” _

“Tony, this is serious! It could’ve gone a lot worse.”

On the other end of the reciever, Tony pulled himself together. “ _ I know, Gobie, but it didn’t.” _

Gob wasn’t ready to forget about what happened, but he also didn’t want to turn it into a whole thing with Tony, so he changed the subject. “So, where are you playing tonight?” 

This successfully distracted Tony, just like Gob knew it would. Like most magicians, Gob included, Tony loved talking about himself. “ _ I’m in Toronto tonight, _ ” Gob had to think for a moment to remember where that was, “ _ I actually just finished the show,”  _ (what state was Toronto in?), “ _ And get this! It’s the same theatre that first produced ‘The Magic Show’!” _

Gob dropped the Toronto thing, and instead started picturing how excited Tony would get whenever he would talk about  _ The Magic Show _ , he could only imagine what his expression was like now. “That’s amazing, babe,” Gob was smiling as he said it, so sweet and demurely it was almost sickening. “How did the show go?”

They chatted like this for a while, Tony putting him on speakerphone as he drove to his hotel. They talked about Tony’s show, and Gob’s day, and plans for tomorrow. Eventually they started talking about nothing in particular. Time passed, and Gob made his way to Tony’s bedroom; putting the phone on the opposite pillow, he laid down and pretended Tony was lying next to him. It was sweet, and embarrassing, and he was glad that Tony couldn’t see him. 

Gob’s eyelids were getting heavy. He didn’t want to hang up, but he could feel himself drifting off to sleep. So he thought for a moment, then said one last thing before passing out.

“Tony… Wh-Where’s… Toronto?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to Will Arnett's and my (kinda) home turf


	4. Good Talk

Michael Bluth slammed his palms onto his brother’s desk and said, “Okay, I’m back,” with unwarranted aggression in his tone.

This caused Gob Bluth to slowly look up from the stack of paperwork in front of him that he was pretending to be interested in. He acknowledged Michael’s presence with a nod, before returning to his work. “So?” He asked, nonchalantly.

“So, I’m ready to take over the company again.” Michael said this as though it was an obvious conclusion to draw.

Gob’s head shot back up. “But Mom told me to take over, what makes you think you can walk in here, after months of being God knows where, and just take this from me.”

“Come on, Gob,” Michael was getting obviously annoyed, his foot was tapping on the ground and his arms were crossed, “I was raised to run this company.”

Standing up from his desk, Gob took advantage of the few inches he had on his brother and stood his ground. “What does that matter? I’m the first born. It’s my birthright, if you will.”

“You can’t seriously be playing that card. We both know you can’t handle it.”

Gob was prepared for that remark, and delivered fast on the rebuttal, “Really? Tell me, if you're so good at handling things, how’s the ‘Michael B.’ company coming along?” Michael was speechless. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

“Well, uh, there wasn’t much to work with in Sudden Valley, in terms of, um, infrastructure.” 

“I know. You made me sell the damn things. Remember? Which I did, F.Y.I.” Gob was trying to keep it together but, as it turned out, he had a lot of bones to pick with his little brother. “You built shitty houses, in a shitty area, and I found the only demographic that could possibly benefit from it, and what did I get as thanks? You beat me up and yelled at me.” He had to admit that last part sounded whinier than he wanted, but it was still effective.

Michael conceded a little bit, “Alright, that’s fair, I’m sorry for yelling at you. But, Gob, really?” He was using the voice he always used when talking down to Gob, like he was an idiot. “Selling a couple houses doesn’t not qualify you to run a development company.”

For the sake of potential payoff, and to draw out the drama, Gob decided to play along. “Yeah, you’re probably right, Mikey, like always.” He couldn’t wait to wipe this smug smile off Michael’s face. “Hey, while you’re here, can you help me figure out these statistics? I’m no good with this stuff.”

With too much satisfaction in his tone, Michael replied, “Sure, pal.”

Gob slid a couple charts with the quarterly earnings mapped out across the desk to Michael. Of course, he knew how to read them, he wouldn’t have gotten this far without knowing that much. He had spent a whole weekend with Tony, just studying the different types of charts and statistics he would need to understand. That’s not even adding in all the extra time they spent learning the actual hard stuff. As it turned out, Gob could work very efficiently when he has something to prove.

Michael looked them over, then had to do a double-take. He looked up, slightly shocked, “these say that profits were-”

“-The highest they’ve been in fifteen years. Funny, isn’t it? Guess your idiot brother isn’t so stupid now!” Gob opened his arms wide with a flourish and, true to form, a fireball shot out of his wrist. “Ah! Oh shit! Godammit. Well, you get my point.”

“After all this time, I was honestly expecting just lighter fluid.”

“Yeah, well, guess there’s more things I’ve gotten better at.” Gob sat down at his desk again. He reached into his sleeve and tried to deactivate the fireball mechanism, murmuring under his breath, “... though labelling my suits isn’t one of them.”

Michael sat down in the chair in front of Gob’s desk, pride wounded. “You know what’s not fair? Dedicating the better half of my life to this hellhole of a company, with no payoff whatsoever. Then you come in and turn the whole place around in a matter of months. It’s like you suddenly started caring about things just to make me look like a failure.”

“What do you mean,” Gob sat up straight, eyebrows creased, “by ‘suddenly started caring’?”

“Oh, you know, you just never really cared about anything. Didn’t take anything seriously.” Michael tried to explain, wanting to avoid one of Gob fits.

“You’re one to talk,” Gob muttered. When Michael seemed about to protest, he continued, “about not caring, Robot! No one ever cared about me! But everyone ignores that because, ‘it’s just Gob, he can take it. As long as he’s kept at arm’s length, he’ll do whatever we ask’.”

“Don’t try to compare me to Mom and Dad, Gob. I care about you.”

“No you don’t! None of you came to my wedding, except Tobias.”

“You didn’t ever plan to go through with it! Why should we care about something that you, yourself, don’t care about?”

“And none of you came to see me in the hospital after I was stuck in a storage unit for weeks.” Gob was starting to cry against his better judgement, “And none of you came to see me in the hospital, again, while I was dying of syphilis.”

“Wait, syphilis? Gob, are you okay?”

Gob rolled his eyes, “Oh,  _ now _ you care?” His voice cracked with tears, so he paused for a moment, “Just… screw you, man.” He looked down at a small picture of Tony sitting, loose on his desk that he had cut it out of a copy of poof, and it made him smile, “I care about things, lots of things. I’m happier than I’ve ever been, not that you give a shit.”

“I guess we’ve both changed a lot since we last saw each other.”   


“You think?”

“And I think I want to become better acquainted with this new Gob.” Michael tried to reach over to touch  Gob’s hand that was resting on his desk, but Gob pulled back. So Michael asked, “No offense, but why are you working so hard this time?”

Gob glanced back to the photo of Tony, “Because this time I have someo-thing, something to lose. And no one thinks I can do it, and I want to prove them wrong.”   


“What is it that you’ve got to lose?” Michael was a bit suspicious about the frantic stumbling in Gob’s reply and was hoping Gob would make another mistake.

Instead, Gob simply responded, “Wouldn’t you like to know.” Then he pressed his intercom button, calling in his assistant, “Gary, could you please show my brother out?”

“Wait, Gary? Isn’t that-” As Michael said it, the very same Gary who was interning for the Bluth company all those years ago entered and placed a hand on Michael’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry, but Mr. Bluth has a very important meeting right now and cannot be disturbed.” Gary said as if reading from a script, which of course he was. “If you’d like, I can show you to the elevator, sir.”

“No thanks,” Michael answered, dryly. Glaring at Gob as he stood up from the chair. “I’m sure I can find my own way out.”

As Michael stormed out, he slammed Gob’s office door shut. Gob flinched, cringing slightly at the very thought of the blowback to this fight. He glanced over to Gary, who was staring at him from where he was standing by the door. 

“I fucked that up, didn’t I?”

Gary only nodded in reply, before exiting the office and returning to his desk. 

Gob groaned loudly, dropping his head onto the desk with a thud. Muffled by the table, he moaned out a single, drawn-out word. “Shiiiiiiiit.”


	5. All I Want For Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqgy9hSqk0A

The annual Bluth Company Christmas party was in full swing, but no one was in the spirit. Out of habit, most of the employees decided not to get their hopes up. After all, the last Christmas that Gob was president for had ended with him firing everyone, and eventually getting himself run over by his own Mother; so, everyone was on their guard.

Employees were milling about, socializing quietly as dull christmas music played in the background. Gob Bluth sat by himself at the back of the room, so he could still supervise the party. He had distracted himself with the open bar, and was now drunk enough to have some mild fun if someone suggested it. His mind was elsewhere, though. Tony was out of town for a few days, visiting his relatives, and Gob was missing him more than he was comfortable admitting. They had been together for almost eight months now, and it was getting more serious than any of his previous relationships had. He was more or less moved in to Tony’s apartment, spending most of his week sleeping there. They had settled into a routine, a cycle of domesticity that was honestly very off-putting. But, he loved Tony so much it hurt, and he wouldn’t give that up for the world.

“Why the long face, Sir?” Gary asked, sitting next to Gob. He looked at his employer expectantly. “Sir?”

“Huh?” Gob snapped to attention. “Oh! Uh, it’s nothing. No reason. It’s nothing. Everyone enjoying ‘selves?”

“Well…” The assistant gestured towards the collection of vaguely bored employees. 

Gob sighed, “ s’a boring party, isn’t it?” He was met with a nod. “Tell me, what would a good boss do now?”

“Well, you did rent a karaoke machine, but I think the employees are waiting for someone to get it started.”

“That’s it,” Gob stood, “I will start it!”

He took a few wobbly steps before he had to stop and compose himself. Gary caught up to him with a cup of water. 

“Here, Sir, drink this first.” He grabbed his boss’ face  and poured the water in his mouth manually.

Wiping a few drops of his chin, Gob replied, “Thanks, you’re a good friend.” He then wrapped Gary in a tight hug, the diminutive employee reluctantly patting Gob on the back in an attempt to end the awkward embrace.

Gob pulled away eventually and continued his journey to the Karaoke machine. His step more steady, but he still wasn’t walking straight. Though, technically, he hadn’t been walking straight for eight months now.

Climbing onto the makeshift stage, Gob spoke clearly into the microphone, “Merry Christmas everyone!” The employees all directed their heads towards the sudden noise. “I know this party sucks so far, but prepare for that to change.”

Gob punched a number into the machine and took his position on the ‘stage’, back towards the crowd, waiting for the music to start. The Bluth Company employees whispered amongst themselves, unsure of what was happening. As a steady techno beat started blaring from the stereo, Gob began to move his hips slowly and precisely, and Gary gasped with an instant recognition. 

After a few bars of intro, Gob spun around and walked up to the mic as he started to sing in a low voice, “ _ Superstar, where you from? How’s it goin’? I know you got a clue what you’re doin’. You can play brand new to all the other chicks out here, but I know what you are, what you are, baby. _ ” Each swing of his hips was perfectly timed, and his arm gestures were exact. 

Conveniently at that moment, unbeknownst to Gob, Tony had made an unscheduled appearance to the party and arrived just in time to see Gob’s almost inappropriately sexy performance. Gob’s voice was great, and also somehow knew every single word to ‘ _ Womanizer _ ’, without even glancing at the lyric screen. 

“ _ Oh, womanizer, oh, you're a womanizer, baby. You-you-you are, you-you-you are, Womanizer, womanizer, womanizer. Boy, don't try to front, I-I know just, just what you are. _ _  
_ _ Boy, don't try to front, I-I know just, just what you are. You got me going, you're oh so charming. But I can't do it, you womanizer. _ ”

Tony was completely entranced by Gob’s dancing. He was grinding to the beat, hands touching his body, and capturing the air. It should have looked trashy, but it was so well coordinated that it almost looked elegant. Tony made a note to ask about how he knew the song so well later.

Gob’s eyes travelled the crowd of now-cheering employees and saw Tony. His body stiffened for a moment, but continued singing, retaining eye contact with his boyfriend, “ _ Daddy-O, you got the swagger of champion. Too bad for you, you just can't find the right companion. I guess when you have one too many, makes it hard, it could be easy. Who you are, that's just who you are, baby. Lollipop, must mistake me for a sucker; to think that I would be a victim, not another. Say it, play it how you wanna, but no way, I'm never gonna fall for you, never you, baby _ .”

Gary followed Gob’s gaze and took notice of Tony for the first time. He considered evaluating who this strange man was, but decided that could be done later and that watching his boss dirty dance to Britney Spears was more important.

When Gob eventually finished the song, the crowd went wild. He had missed this kind of validation. “Thank you, everyone! Now, who’s gonna follow that, don’t be shy!” A few people were lining up, so Gob decided his job was done and snuck off to the back of the room. Reaching Tony, Gob embraced him tightly, taking his hand and leading him to the president’s office.

Gary raised his eyebrow suspiciously. He was pretty sure what that was; Gob had always given off an extremely gay-ish vibe, not to mention everything that had happened when he was interning at the Bluth company years previously, so it wasn’t entirely surprising. Still, it wasn’t good to assume these things.

Gob entered his office with Tony in tow. Leaning on the edge of his desk, Gob took Tony’s other hand and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. Gob spoke quietly, forehead resting against Tony’s, “What are you doing here? I thought you were at your parents’ place for Chanukah.”

“Yeah, I was there,” Tony shrugged, “but I missed you a lot. Plus, I thought I’d see if you wanted to go back up there with me when we’re all done here.”   


“You want me to go… to your family’s house… for the holidays?” Gob was very nearly choked up.

“Yeah, why not? We’ve been together for eight months, we should be spending the holidays together.” A moment passed before Tony continued, “Besides,” he looked down, rubbing small circles on the back of Gob’s hands with his thumbs, “My mom really wants to meet you.”

“Really? You were telling her about me?” A deep blush grew on Gob’s cheeks.

“Of course I did.” He was getting flustered, so Tony rushed to change the topic, “Whatever. Now, you have to tell me, how the hell you know how to dance to ‘Womanizer’ so well.”

Gob rolled his eyes. “I’ve told you before, Tony, I used to be a stripper.”

“Yeah I know that, but that song was released in 2008.”

“So? What does that have to do with it?”

Tony laughed, “Gob, you told me you got fired from the Hot Cops in 2003. That doesn’t explain why you know that song so well.” 

Gob tried to be indignant, but he just got embarrassed and avoided making eye contact. “Shut up, it’s a good song.” He muttered under his breath.

Tony kissed Gob softly again. And then they just stood there in eachother’s arms, content.

Walking past Gob’s office, Gary had expected to see aggressive making out through the carelessly open door, but what he saw was stranger. While it wasn’t surprising for Gob to be seeing a man, it was surprising that the nature of their relationship was so gentle. This was, after all, the same man who had commented on Gary’s ass, and had him sitting in his lap by the end of the day. Gary hadn’t meant to stare, he only wanted to confirm his suspicions, but the image was so sweet, his eyes couldn’t help but linger. His eyes locked with the unfamiliar man and hastily scurried away.

“Gobie,” Tony broke the silence, “I think we were just caught.”

But Gob didn’t let go of Tony. “Short guy, blue shirt, dark hair?”

“Yeah...”

“That’s just Gary.” Gob sighed. “We’re still safe. He won’t tell, he’s one of us.”

“I’m assuming you mean he’s gay?” Asked Tony, relieved. Gob nodded in reply, and Tony decided to leave the technicalities for now, preferring instead to revel peacefully in Gob’s embrace. Several minutes of silence passed between them, the soft sounds of someone singing Christmas karaoke drifted down the hall. “Merry Christmas, Gobie.” Tony said with a smile.

Gob smiled back, “Happy Chanukah, Tony.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I heavily debated which spelling of Chanukah/Hanukkah to use, if a different one would be better, let me know and I'll edit it.


	6. ... And Now We're Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is 100% not how this is gonna happen, but w/e

The Bluth family had been called to the Balboa Towers penthouse by Lindsay Bluth for an emergency family meeting. George Michael wasn’t present, still feuding with his father as he was; neither was Tobias, whom Lindsay hadn’t heard from in a while.

Gob glanced around the room from where he was lying on the couch, his eyes landing first on Michael who glared at him, they hadn’t really talked since their fight and apparently Michael hadn’t yet forgiven Gob. He looked over at Buster, freshly proven innocent, who smiled and waved his good hand. Maeby didn’t look at him, so his gaze moved on. His parents still carried the same disappointed expressions they always did, despite how much less of a disappointment he was now.

Lindsay cleared her throat and all eyes turned to her, “As you all know, elections for congress are coming up and the Sitwells are going all out on Sally’s campaign trail.”

“And what exactly does this have to do with us?” Lucille asked, sobriety doing nothing to soften her edges.

“Imagine taking something from Lucille 2 that she was more qualified for.” That was enough to to get their Mother to concede, her sense of vengeance not dampened by her frenemy’s disappearance. Lindsay continued, “I’m going to need a lot of help for the next stage of my plan.”

Michael groaned; he was used to being asked for help. “What is it this time, Lindsay?”

“Glad you asked!” She answered, not detecting his sarcasm, “Well, Sally’s making a float to ride in this year’s parade, so I figured I’d upstage her by making a whole fleet. One for each of my party’s major platforms. That’s where you come in” She handed a checklist to Michael. “Check off which topic you’d like to make a float for.”

“Don’t tell me you really believe in all this crap.” Said Michael, looking over the list in disbelief. “Immigration cutbacks, the border wall, anti-gay rights, it goes on.”

That last one caught Gob’s attention, and a plan started forming in his heard.  
“Of course I don’t actually support these things,” Lindsay snapped, “but it’s the platform I’m running with, so we’re both gonna have to get used to that.”

Michael just sighed and passed the list to Lucille and George, who proceeded to pass it to Gob. Looking over the list, he figured Michael chose the least offensive one, probably the one about taxes, and his parents must have chosen the border wall and immigration laws, no surprises there. He raised his hand.

“Yes, Gob?”

“I’m only gonna do it if I can do an illusion.”

“Fine. It i _ s _ a parade so, if you don’t fuck it up, that could actually help our cause. Good idea. Just make sure it’s going to work this time.”

Gob nodded and checked the box next to ‘anti-gay rights’ before passing the list to Maeby.  
Eventually Lindsay dismissed them and Gob called Tony while he was waiting for the elevator. The phone rang twice before Tony answered.

“ _ Hi, Gobie! What’s up _ ?”

“I’m ready.” Gob blurted out. His stomach was feeling just a little bit uneasy.

“ _ For… ?” _

He took a deep breath and admitted, “I’m ready to come out.”

“ _ Wait, really? That’s amazing! _ ”

“Yeah,” Gob hesitated, “but I’m going to need your help. How do you feel about upstaging a bunch of republicans?”

Out of nowhere, Gob suddenly felt a pair of uneven hands grab his shoulders, followed by a sing-songy:

“Hey, Brother!”

“Ah! Buster!” Gob was startled but tried to cover it up, quickly hanging up the phone and turning to face his little brother. “How… are you?”

“I’m alright. I was just wondering… If I could help with your float. I wouldn’t even know where to begin making one on my own.”

Gob considered this for a moment. Buster being there could ruin his plan; but, then again, he could always use another pair of hands (or at least one hand and one monstrosity) and he felt like Buster was the least likely to be weird about it. He decided, “Sure, why not. Meet me at the office tomorrow and we’ll start working on it.”

Buster smiled and thanked Gob, then wandered back into the penthouse. Gob called Tony again, getting the answering machine this time, “Tony, meet me at the office tomorrow and we can start on the plan. Love you.”

……………….

The next day, Buster had joined Gob at the Bluth Company offices. The two brothers were standing silently in the entryway. Gob was regularly checking his phone, and Buster was looking really uncomfortable.

The younger Bluth broke the silence. “So… When are we starting?”

“Just a minute.” Gob answered, checking his phone again. He had received a text from Tony.

_ I’m waiting in the parking lot.  _

“Right now. Follow me.” Gob began walking towards the elevator, he gestured for his brother to follow suit. They rode down together, and exited into the parking lot where Tony was leaning very conspicuously against his car. Gob walked toward him, Buster close behind him.

As they approached the figure, Buster gasped, “You're Tony Wonder! The famous magician!” Both Gob and Tony looked at him, surprised he recognized Tony. “I’m a big fan, though not as big as my brother,” Buster laughed, causing Tony to smirk and Gob to blush. “What are you doing in our parking lot?”

“Well…” Gob started, taking another deep breath before continuing, “Tony’s my boyfriend.”

“Oh, good job!” 

“Wait, aren’t you surprised that I’m dating a guy?” Gob was confused, and so was Tony. This wasn’t a bad reaction, but it certainly wasn’t expected.

“Of course not,” Buster said, as though it was obvious, “I did grow up with you, after all.” This garnered a laugh from Tony. “Besides, I was there when you first met him; and, while I may be near-sighted, I’m not blind.”

Gob was at a loss for words but, luckily, Buster found some for him.

“So, what are we doing for the Parade?”

“Well, this is what I had in mind…” Gob explained the entirety of his plan, and the three men got to work.

…………………………………….

It was the day of the Parade, and the festivities were about to begin. Gob, Tony, and Buster stood on their extravagant float, which was probably a lot more magic-themed and a lot less anti-gay than Lindsay probably wanted, but they had managed to complete a lot more work than they would have expected. They went over final arrangements for the plan, and soon it was their turn to leave and they got into position, Tony hurrying below the float.

As their float reached the apex of the parade, in full view of the rest of the Bluth Family, Gob began his big illusion; speaking in his deep magician voice.

“All across America, millions of gay kids are hidden in the closet,” Gob gestured dramatically towards the two cabinets behind him. “But if they came out, the very fabric of what this country stands for will tear.” He was being intentionally hyperbolic to take away the gravitas of what he was saying. “What potential congresswoman, Lindsay Bluth, proposes is to keep them in there to preserve this country’s morals.” Gob moved towards the first cabinet, opening it and then stepping inside. “Would my assistant please open the other closet to show the audience that there is nothing inside.” Buster followed Gob’s instructions, showing the empty cabinet to the audience. “I will now transport myself into the other closet in a feat of magical spectacularity!” 

He closed the door to his closet and opened the hatch connected to the secret passage beneath the float. Hurrying through it, he met up with Tony, who was climbing into the second closet. Gob assumed that, at this point, Buster was about to display the now-empty first closet. His mic still hot, Gob continued his script as he followed Tony up into the second closet, closing the hatch behind him, “Lindsay Bluth and her party may believe that being gay is a sin, but I’m here to say that I’m here, I’m queer, and now…” Gob open the closet door, revealing himself and Tony, declaring, “We’re out!” in unison.

Gob led Tony by the hand to center stage, pulling him close and kissing him passionately. They pulled apart, the audience in an uproar of cheers and boos. Gob turned to face the audience. 

“By the way, don’t vote Bluth!”


End file.
